Why we do what we do & Why do we do what we do?
Coaching With Clarity and Intention
As coaches, we often focus so much on what our players need to do to improve, but how often do we pause and ask ourselves: What do I need to change about my approach to truly help my players grow? If we want to help our players—and by extension, our teams and our clubs—we must start by helping ourselves first. If our intentions and actions are not aligned, we create contradictory and conflicting energy, and things will not flow the way we hope. Progress and success require clarity: intentions and actions must be aligned in order to reach the highest and best possible outcome.
Aligning Intentions with Actions
Our intentions as coaches and directors matter deeply. Is our focus on winning games, fostering player growth, or both? If our actions and energy are misaligned with our stated goals, it creates confusion for the team. For example, when disruptive behavior or team culture issues arise, the instinct is often to isolate the "problem player," punish the behavior, or ignore the issue, hoping it resolves itself. Unsure how to handle it, many coaches default to the methods they were taught by their own mentors or coaches.
When each player feels seen, heard, and valued—when there is true psychological safety—these issues rarely emerge. And if they do, address them collectively. Frame challenges as team exercises rather than singling out individuals. Ask questions like:
Does this issue exist within the team?
What contributes to it?
Is there a chance that I could be contributing to the issue?
What can we do to support the player or players involved?
Resistance only fuels persistence. When players feel supported rather than blamed, they’re more likely to align with the team’s intentions.
Who Are You Really Coaching?
As coaches, it’s crucial to get clear on our intentions, especially when it comes to the players we coach. Are we coaching with the mindset of preparing every player for the next level, asserting all we know in an effort to validate our own expertise? Or are we truly serving the 98–99% of players who will never reach that elite level?
This is a powerful question that demands honest reflection. Once asked, it can fundamentally shift how you show up, coach, and teach. If your focus has been primarily on the 1–2% destined for higher levels, it’s worth asking yourself: What else do I have to offer to the majority of players—the ones who might not make it to the top but still deserve to grow, thrive, and love the game?
This reflection has the potential to transform your approach, unlocking parts of yourself and your coaching philosophy that may have remained untapped. By embracing this broader purpose, you can ensure every player you work with benefits from your guidance, not just the few chasing the highest levels.
Letting Go of Ego and Control
Too often, a coach’s ego and need for control overshadow the ultimate goal: creating an environment where players thrive and achieve their fullest potential. When a coach becomes overly focused on their reputation or rigid ideas about the “right way” to play or lead, it creates a subtle yet powerful resistance. This resistance stifles collaboration, creativity, and ultimately the team's success.
But what if we shifted our mindset? What if we trusted that outcomes—like wins and championships—would naturally follow if we prioritized building a culture of safety, creativity, and support? A culture where players feel empowered, not micromanaged, and where their voices and ideas are not just tolerated but truly valued.
The Power of Openness
Letting go of ego starts with embracing openness. This begins with humility: the acceptance and curiosity that we have more to learn. As coaches, we often feel pressure to project certainty and authority, but real leadership comes from acknowledging that we don’t have all the answers—and we don’t have to.
In fact, some of the most valuable insights may come from the very people we’re leading: our players.
Think of it like running a business. Imagine you’re the CEO of a struggling company. Would you dismiss the insights of your frontline employees, the ones who engage directly with customers and understand the product intimately? Of course not. So why, as coaches, do we hesitate to ask our players for their input?
This raises an important question: Why do we, as soccer coaches, have such a hard time taking input, accepting criticism, or even allowing others to express their opinions? What is the root of this resistance? It’s a pervasive issue in this sport, and its impact is profound—it creates blocks and barriers to growth, innovation, and evolution.
The Illusion of Ownership
Another significant barrier to growth in coaching is the pervasive sense of ownership many coaches feel over their players. This mindset, though often unspoken, becomes most apparent when a player decides to leave a team or club in search of better opportunities.
Whether this opportunity involves a stronger developmental program, more playing time, or simply a better fit, these decisions are rarely taken lightly by players or their families. More often than not, the change arises from a genuine desire to improve and grow—or maybe just to be seen—just as anyone would seek a better school, tutor, place of employment, or mentor if their current environment wasn’t meeting their needs.
And yet, many coaches take these decisions personally. The focus shifts to how the departure impacts them and their team, rather than asking critical, reflective questions like:
Why are they seeking another team or club?
What are we not providing that they feel they need?
What have I done (or not done) that has contributed to this decision?
If this pattern repeats itself—if multiple players leave for similar reasons—it’s a signal that something deeper needs to be addressed. As a renowned spiritual teacher once said: “Things will keep showing up in our lives until we learn the lesson.”
This mindset shift requires humility and self-awareness. Rather than clinging to the illusion of ownership, coaches must see themselves as temporary guides in a player’s journey. Every player’s path is unique, and the goal is not to hold onto them indefinitely but to contribute meaningfully to their growth while they are in your care.
Ultimately, the question isn’t, “How could they leave?” but rather, “What can I learn from this?”
Psychological Safety and Creativity
Psychological safety is a cornerstone of successful teams. Google’s Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute (SIYLI) program, which brings mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and leadership skills to people worldwide, discovered this through a landmark study: the #1 factor present within successful teams is psychological safety.
Do your players feel psychologically safe with you, your actions, and the culture you’ve created? Without this foundation, players may hesitate to express ideas, admit mistakes, or take the creative risks necessary for growth.
This ties directly to anxiety and creativity. Research has shown that the opposite of anxiety isn’t calm, peace, or happiness—it’s creativity. Where there is authentic creativity, it’s virtually impossible to experience anxiety.
Think about this in the context of your players. If they’re anxious during training or matches, ask yourself:
How have I created the conditions for this? Am I responsible?
How can I expect players to play freely and creatively if they’re operating from a place of fear or feeling scared?
When players feel psychologically safe, they are free to take risks, express themselves, and reach new levels of performance. Without it, they retreat into survival mode, playing cautiously and limiting their potential.
The Path to True Impact
To create real impact, coaches must embrace the uncomfortable truth: we are not the sole architects of success. Instead, our role is to foster an environment where collaboration and trust are essential.
This requires humility. It means setting aside our need to be right or in control and instead being curious, adaptable, and willing to learn—even from our players. It also means creating regular opportunities for feedback, whether through structured team discussions, one-on-one check-ins, or even anonymous surveys to ensure all voices are heard.
When we let go of ego, control, and the illusion of ownership, we make room for something far more powerful: a collective environment of trust, creativity, and mutual respect that unlocks the full potential of every player and coach.
First Step if the Above Resonates
Take a moment to reflect: Why are you coaching? What are your intentions for doing what you do? Are your actions aligned with those intentions? When we’re clear on our purpose and committed to creating environments of trust, support, and growth, both the players and the team thrive because the authentic you will be the one showing up. And once that happens… everything changes.
